What do you desire?
One of my favourite TV shows of the last while is Lucifer. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s well worth your time. The main character is written and embodied brilliantly and I believe we all have a little bit of this version of Lucifer Morningstar in us. The show also has my favourite line from any TV series or movie ever. Lucifer shows up to a crime scene (he’s a consultant for the police department) wearing a nice suit but the ass is missing from the pants. Someone calls it to his attention and he says “oh dear I seem to have worn my orgy pants to work.” 🤣🤣🤣 Sheer brilliance in my book.
But I digress. Lucifer’s catch phrase in the show is “what do you desire?” This is a question that has shown up over and over again the past several months and it is far more challenging to answer than I ever thought.
“What do you desire?” hits very differently to “what do you want?” or “what do you need?” I feel like I could tell you pretty quickly what I want or what I need but what I desire I’m at a loss. Desire has a feeling of decadence, luxury, yumminess. A feeling that I have spent zero time with because that’s too selfish. But what if it wasn’t selfish but Self-full? What if it was something that fills your cup and gives you what you need to be able to give the maximum you can to others? But aren’t desires all about sex? Desires, for me anyway, comes with a feeling of sexuality. Like it needs to revolve around something sexual. What if that was totally untrue and just some dumb shit we’ve been taught about desires being naughty?
When I was first asked the question “what do I desire” I was totally stumped. Absolutely nothing came to mind and I just made some crap up on the spot. Truth be told I felt a sadness well up inside like a lost child. Since then I have had the opportunity of being confronted with seeing people express their desire for something in the moment and have it fulfilled beautifully and wholeheartedly by others. I’d convinced myself a long time ago that no one would ever what to fulfill any desire I had so why bother. It sounded like “ya but no one is going to say yes to what you desire. It doesn’t matter what it is”. Seeing these people, my friends, ask and receive their desires has been blowing this tired old conversation out of the water. I think the main fear for me is the vulnerability that comes with making a request from the place of desire because desire seems to be heavily linked to your heart - ‘your heart’s desire’. I know when I ask myself what my desires are it is in no way a question that can be answered with my intellect. It comes from my body, my gut and my heart.
As I have started spending time with the question of what do I desire I’ve also come to realize that they don’t need to be a big intricate thing. It doesn’t have to be world peace or a new house or bags of money. It can be getting together with a friend or to have some alone time or to have a cuddle on the couch. This aspect of ‘it doesn’t have to be big’ is the bit I’ve been working to wrapping my head around. The idea of connecting with your Self and asking your Self what You desire right now and then speaking it to the people who you believe can fulfill it or who you want to fulfill it for you is not an easy thing. Certainly easy in theory but the actual doing of it takes practice and patience with yourself. As my summer approaches and I have more time my desire is to spend a few minutes everyday to see what I desire and write it down with the intention on doing the work to have them all fulfilled.
Yeah that makes me feel just a little bit queezy to state that and a whole lot excited to see where it goes.
